Showing posts with label i love you. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i love you. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

He Never Calls


Q:
How come he doesn't like calling or talking on the phone? He says he likes me and that he doesn't want to break up, but the only time we really talk is when we are face-to-face. I think he is pulling away from me. Am I wrong? What should I do? 

A:
Some guys are just like that. You may also find that some guys will be really phone happy at first and then as they settle into a relationship they will stop calling. It really doesn't mean that they have lost interest, it is (to risk a cliché) a "guy thing."

Mind you, if you feel there is something deeper going on why not ask him? I think that the honest approach is the best one. Just say, "I was wondering , why don't you ever talk to me on the phone?". Could be that he doesn't get much privacy in making his calls or that his parents have a strict limit on the amount of time he can spend on the phone.

If he is trying to send out break-up signals, the only way you will know for sure is to ask. I know it sucks, but if he has resorted to avoidance in an effort to show you he wants out, he isn't likely to be the first one to bring up the subject of ending the relationship.

If everything seems cool when you are face to face I wouldn't worry too much. I think you should just ask him, "What is up with the phone phobia?"

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Love or Friendship: How do you choose?

 
 Question Asked By A Girl


I’m dating a guy who is not my normal type. None of my friends can stand him. They all think he is a loser because he dresses differently. His family isn’t rich and can’t afford to get him trendy clothes but I don’t care about that. He’s a great guy and he’s good to me. Why can’t my friends see how good he is for me and be happy for us? Why are they making it so hard? 

 
This is such a common problem especially among teens. The social structure of high school can be unforgiving and patently unfair. All too often the things that make some people “popular” and other people “unpopular” have nothing to do with the substance of the people and everything to do with superficial things like clothing, excellence in sports, or good looks. No matter how often adults tell teens that this kind of thinking is wrong it never changes. It is a combination of immaturity, the closed environment of high school and peer pressure that make this social divide so pronounced among teenagers. But love is often blind to things like this and that is a good thing.

First let me congratulate you for following your heart on this one, you are 100% in the right. If a guy makes you happy and treats you well that is way more important than what he wears or whom he hangs out with. If he is good to you and good for you this is all that matters. But you need to face your friends and their irrational disapproval and that can be a difficult thing to do. Peer pressure is a very influential force, especially for teenagers, and far too many relationships are crushed by the weight of it. Here are some tips to help you stand up to your friends in the name of love:
  • Make these your words to live by; the clothes don’t make the man.
  • Stand up for your guy whenever your friends cut him down and always remind them that he is good to you. If they are real friends eventually this will sink in and they will support you.
  • Insist that your friends include your guy whenever possible and ask them to try to really get to know him for your sake. Again, true friends might protest but in the end they want you to be happy and will at least give him a chance.
  • Never sit by silently while your friends criticize your guy. Tell them that you don’t appreciate them being so superficial and then tell them why your guy is so great. Do this every time they put him down. Eventually they’ll get it.
  • If your friends, or your guy, ever put you in the position of having to choose between them just refuse to do it. Tell them that they are both very important parts of your life and that you wish they could get along but if they can’t you’ll just have to make time to see them at different times. Then stick to the plan. Never give in to the pressure.
Love can’t conquer all but peer pressure should never be allowed to control you. If your guy is a good guy your friends will come to see it in time. You just need to keep singing his praises and bring him around them as much as possible. If they see how good he is to you first hand eventually they’ll come around.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Why Do Guys Lie?


A Question By A Girl.

My boyfriend is always telling me silly little lies. He lies about where he was when out with friends, he lies about where he’ll be going, he lies about who he was with, he even lies about when he has to work. When I catch him in the lies he laughs it off as if it was no big deal or puts the blame on me saying, “I didn’t want you to be upset.” What gives? Why can’t he just tell me the truth? If he lies about such trivial things how can I trust him to tell me the truth about the really important stuff?

 
Hmmm… it’s an age-old dilemma that has plagued female-kind since the dawn of dating; why do guys lie? I wish I had a fast and simple answer for you, but I don’t. Just like girls, when guys lie it is for a variety of reasons, almost all of which have to do with HIM and not the person he is lying to (a.k.a. YOU).

When a guys says, “I didn’t want to upset/hurt/disappoint you” what he is really saying is “I didn’t want to deal with your justifiable anger towards me when you learned exactly how I upset/hurt/disappointed you”, can you see the difference? The difference is in the root of the lie and in this case that root is definitely not that he didn’t want to see you upset. If it were really that simple, if it were truly just a matter of not wanting to hurt you, he wouldn’t have done whatever it is he did in the first place. No, he knows he messed up and doesn’t want to face the music and that is why he lied. It’s as simple as that!

Now let’s look closer at your specific dilemma. You say he lies about “trivial things” and that this worries you because it makes you doubt that you can trust him with the more important issues. Good for you for seeing this irrefutable truth without my having to point it out. If he lies about something small then chances are very, very good that he will lie about something important. Bravo to you for seeing this on your own. As to these “trivial things” he lies about you need to ask yourself if they are really just trivial? When he tells you he is at work only to be out with the boys you may honestly think it is a small detail but you should be asking why he wouldn’t just tell you, “I want to be with my boys tonight.” I’m willing to bet that the reason he chooses to lie stems from past experience. Possibly you have reacted badly to his being honest about this in the past and have left him feeling that it is easier to lie (now it’s your turn to look honestly at your past behavior to see if this applies). While this does put some of the blame at your feet (i.e. do you have a history of over-reacting to “trivial things?”) in all honesty your negative/angry/hysterical reaction should not cause him to lie. A truly stand up guy would tell the truth and deal with your reactions, even daring to point out where YOU are wrong if necessary.

If you’re sure you’re a laid-back gal with no hang-ups about nights out with the boys or coffee with an ex than the problem may be rooted in his experiences with other girls. If this is the case talk it out with him. Tell him that you know he dealt with over-reactive girls in the past and that you’re not like that. Tell him your prefer an unsettling truth to a lie any day and that if your reaction is a negative one you vow to handle it with maturity by talking about your feelings rather than screaming and freaking out on him. If his lies are really a matter of negative past experiences with other girls than this sort of talk might help. However there is one big reason for his lies that can’t be fixed by your honesty and reassurances. The most heinous, and sadly very likely, reasons for his lying is that he is really and truly doing something wrong and doesn’t want to own up to it. He wants to have his cake and eat it to and that is just wrong. If his lies are born out of a real need for deception you need to kick him to the curb now! A guy who lies because he’s been burned in the past is a very different sort of beast than the guy who lies in order to burn you. Once you know which kind of lying-guy you’re dealing with you’ll be better able to figure out what to do.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Surviving a Breakup: 7 Tips


Few things hurt more than being dumped. In fact, most people would rather be body slammed by a sumo wrestler than endure the pain and loneliness of heartbreak.

Though breaking up is depressing, your life's far from over. It's important to see the end of a relationship as the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Here are a few tips on how to let go of your ex and move on with your life.

1. Be Nice To Yourself

Breakups happen to the best of us. Actually, they're a normal part of being a teenager. It's important to cut yourself some slack when you're feeling vulnerable and rejected. Let yourself mourn the loss, and remember that you don't have to be perfect all of the time—or any of the time. Nobody is!

2. Accept Your Single Status

Getting over your ex is virtually impossible if you're fantasizing about getting back together. It's important to learn how to be happy as a single person before you start to date again.

Being single gives you the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Watch a cheesy movie you would never admit to liking. Switch off your cell phone at the time your ex used to call. Perform a cleansing ritual, such as throwing away her yearbook photo or deleting his mushy e-mails. You'll be amazed how much better you'll feel. 

3. Recognize and Release Your Feelings

Breakups can cause a range of unpleasant feelings, from deep sadness to intense anger. It's important to identify what you're feeling, acknowledge that it hurts, then let it go.

If you're struggling with the "letting go" part, try writing what you feel on a piece of paper, then ripping it up. When you're feeling really awful, taking a nap or going for a walk can help ease the pain and break the cycle of negative thoughts.

In general, try to get your demons out in a constructive way, such as sports, music, art or journaling. It's also OK to cry, scream and complain about how bad you feel. Find a secluded place to get out the nastiest feelings, then seek out friends and family to lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. 

4. Remember Your Ex's Flaws

It's easy to get teary-eyed thinking about his adorable brown eyes or her cute way of answering the phone. But what about your ex's not-so-great qualities? Remind yourself just how annoying, boring or insensitive your ex could be, and you'll be on your way to recovery.

5. Resist the Urge To Contact Him or Her

One of the worst parts of a breakup is the loneliness. Use all the willpower you've got to resist calling your ex when you're feeling lonely and sad.

Though your ex may have been a source of comfort in the past, calling him or her for an ego boost will only make it harder for you move on. Look for new sources of support among friends, family members, counselors and online support groups. 

6. Get a New Hobby

Without a boyfriend or girlfriend to entertain, you have a lot of freedom to try new things. Indulge yourself in some activities that didn't interest your ex, whether it's hockey, ballet or bird watching. Take a photography class, start writing poetry or join a club that interests you. You'll meet new people and feel good about yourself, which will attract both friends and admirers. 

7. Don't Obsess About What Went Wrong

Many breakups don't have a specific cause. They tend to happen when two people have been growing apart for a while. This isn't to say you shouldn't reflect on what you could have done differently in the relationship, but it's not helpful to dwell on the whys and wherefores.

Instead of focusing on the past, live in the moment and begin to dream about the future. You'll find a boyfriend or girlfriend who's at least as great as the last one—and perhaps a better match. Who knows? That special someone could be right around the corner.

Friday, March 9, 2012

How Do I Make Him Love Me?



Q:
I have a big crush on this guy in a grade higher than me. We don't have any classes together but we are both in band and on the school paper. I know I love him because I just can't get him off of my mind. At a party I confessed my true feelings and he told me he liked me too - as a friend. He said he just wanted us to be friends right now. I really, really want to be with him, how do I make him love me?
A:
You are suffering from a killer one-sided crush, also known as "unrequited love", and there really isn't much you can do to change it into a relationship. I'll be blunt. You can not make somebody love you. You can't even make them like you. There are no magic spells or secret tricks that will make a person suddenly feel for you the way you feel for them. Love doesn't work like that (and thank the sweet stars above that it doesn't!). Love, when it is real and returned, is one of the most amazing feelings you will ever experience. Although it is hard to accept that this person doesn't return your feelings, it may help you to know that the pain you now feel will be erased from your heart when you find someone who does love you back.

Now back to the issue at hand, coping with your current crush. Since he has made his feelings for you clear, namely that he wants to be friends, you really only have one choice. You have to honor his feelings and wishes. You do however have options as to exactly how you handle the "friendship situation". You can swallow your feelings, move on and work on having "just a friendship" with this guy or, you can harbour your feelings and hope that the future will see your friendship turn romantic. Either way, the one thing you should do is actively take him up on his offer of friendship in spite of your deeper feelings.

Take heart, all is not lost! Friendship is always a good place to start. Right now he only knows a "one dimensional" you, as your friendship progresses he will come to see your many sides. With time, his feelings may even deepen into romatic interest. You say that the two of you are not in any classes together so it is entirely possible that his "Let's be friends!" comment is not a mere brush off, but a bonafide offer. He may want to start as friends because he doesn't know you well enough to have any deeper feelings (a sign that he is a good guy BTW), or he may be using the "friendship line" as a brush off (a sign that he is NOT a good guy BTW). You can't be certain which of these is true until you make a go of the friendship. Work from the premise that he really wants a friendship with you until he indicates otherwise.

By becoming his friend you get the opportunity let him see a new side of you, and you get to see a new side of him. In getting closer you may even fall into a relationship. Of course, the opposite is also true. As you get to know him better your crush, which is built on a fantasy not a reality, may disappear and you may lose interest in him. There are no guarantees that your feelings will stay the same through your burgeoning friendship. There are also no guarantees that his current feelings will change into love. After you become friends you may end up exactly where you are right now, in a one-sided love affair. But at this point in time, what have you got to lose? At the very least you gain a closer acquaintance and at the most you'll get your man!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

10 Things You Need to Know About Trust


  1. Trust is a two way street; you get it if you give it. For example: if you want your parents to trust you try trusting them with the truth about what is going on in your life, if you want a relationship built on trust you have to trust in the other person as much as you do in yourself.
  2. Parents will usually give trust freely until you do something to break it. If this isn't the case in your family and you really can't see why your parents don't trust you just come right out and ask them for an explanation.
  3. Sometimes people don't trust you because of the actions of a person close to you. It is all too common for the behavior of older siblings or friends to cause parents and teachers to doubt you. Accept that this is what is happening, don't fight it, and work at proving that in spite of the actions of others you can be trusted.
  4. Sometimes trust has to be earned. If you had trust but did something to break it, it is possible to fix things. But in doing so remember that as the trust breaker you don't get to set the expectations, terms or time frame for earning that trust back.
  5. In order to fix broken trust both sides have to want the trust back. You can never force a person to trust you.
  6. Your parents want to trust you! What you see as mistrust of you could really be fear, mistrust of those around you and/or their natural protective instincts at work.
  7. Some people have been so badly hurt in the past that they have great difficulty trusting others. If you have a person like this in your life accept that there will always be an element of mistrust in your relationship and be prepared to work overtime to prove that you can be trusted.
  8. Trust is an essential part of ALL successful relationships be they academic, romantic, friendly or familial.
  9. Trust is an essential part of sex - if you don't trust your partner 110% don't have sex with them.
  10. Trust is a gift - you give it and you receive it. It should never be taken for granted.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

How To Know If Someone Likes You


All you need for this task is a suspicion that someone is interested in you and a willingness to look a little closer.
 
Difficulty: Hard
 
Time Required: 20 minutes

 

Here's How:

  1. Keep an eye on how many times you catch her/him staring at you.
  2. Take notice of whether s/he smiles at you a lot.
  3. Look for whether s/he focuses on you in a crowd.
  4. Observe if s/he has suddenly taken more interest in your friends.
  5. Pay attention to any significant changes in her/his behavior toward you recently.
  6. Start showing her/him a bit more interest and see how they respond.
  7. Have a friend talk to her/him or one of her/his friends about you.
  8. Ask, '[name], are you interested in me?'

 

Tips:

  1. Hopefully you will not have to use steps 7 or 8, but if you're having difficulty reading her/him, these steps are your last resort!
  2. Remember, this is not an exact science, and it may take a few mistakes to perfect your technique

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

How To Know When It's Love


You feel very strongly for another person and want to know if what you're feeling is the real deal. Ask yourself these difficult questions.
 
Difficulty: Hard
 
Time Required: About 5 minutes depending on the situation usually a lot longer 
 

Here's How:

  1. Ask yourself: 'Would I be willing to let her/him go if I believed it was the best thing?'
  2. Ask yourself: 'Am I willing to wait for this person if s/he is not ready to have sex?'
  3. Ask yourself: 'Would I feel the same way if s/he gained weight?'
  4. Ask yourself: 'Am I willing to sacrifice my dreams to allow her/his dreams to come true?'
  5. Ask yourself: 'Do I respect and admire her/him?'
  6. Ask yourself: 'Would I feel the same way if s/he got sick?'
  7. Ask yourself: 'If you two were in an argument, would you feel the same way?'
  8. If you answered 'No' to any of these questions, think about why you gave that answer. Is it a lack of trust? Is it because you're afraid? Is it selfishness? Do you need more time to get to know each other?
  9. If you answered 'Yes' to all of these questions, wow, you feel very strongly about this person. It sounds like you're in love!

Tips:

  1. If you're wondering if you're in love, this is often because you might base a decision on your answer. Be careful! Decisions should not be based just on the feeling of 'love'. You should also look at respect, commitment and trust.
  2. Ask yourself what it means to you if you believe you're in love. Don't put pressure on yourself to define what you're feeling as love. And don't let anyone else pressure you either.
  3. If you're not sure of the answer right now. Give it some time and ask yourelf these questions a few months or a year down the road. You might be surprised to see how your feelings change.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Information Sheet on Love


  1. Love does not hurt. Physical and/or emotional abuse are not a part of love.
  2. Love is not manipulative, it should not be used to get others to do what you want. You should never give in to demands based on the, "You would do it if you loved me!" tactic.
  3. Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. It can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring.
  4. Although it is true that a big part of love is putting another person's happiness ahead of your own this never includes compromising your values or being untrue to yourself.
  5. If somebody asks you to do something that you don't want to do in order to "prove" your love they do not love you the way you might think they do. When you love another person you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love.
  6. It is very easy to confuse lust for love. The true measure of romantic love is commitment and trust not physical attraction.
  7. It is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Just think, if it is possible for you to love both of your parents at the same time why would it be impossible to feel romantic love for two people at once? Don't beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation. But be sure to remain single and be open and honest with all parties about your feelings and confusion.
  8. Sex is NOT love. Love is NOT sex. Sex can be a part of romantic love but it is never mandatory.
  9. Romantic love can (and often does) fade. When it goes there is not always a reason. When somebody falls out of love with you it does not reflect upon your value as a person or your desirability.
  10. Love should make you feel happy, secure and appreciated.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

How To Show Someone You're Interested


All you need is an attraction to another person and the desire to show them how you feel.
 
Difficulty: Easy
 
Time Required: 5 minutes 
 

Here's How:

  1. Create opportunities for you to see each other. This might include secretly waiting in the hall or sitting near him/her at lunch.
  2. Make eye contact and smile!
  3. When you pass him/her in the hall, say 'Hi!'
  4. Get to know some of his/her friends
  5. If you have a class together, ask him/her a question about it.
  6. Ask him/her about something you know s/he is interested in.
  7. Ask if s/he wants to hang out sometime.

Tips:

  1. If you're like me, sending these signals can be scary. Start small and work your way up to the tougher steps.
  2. Don't set yourself up to get hurt, make sure you haven't put your entire self-worth into whether or not s/he responds to your signals.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Understanding Jealousy


Understanding Jealousy

Jealousy is a reactionary emotion so by its very nature it has a reason. Jealousy is a very natural and normal emotional response to a perceived threat. Getting jealous is not necessarily bad. Problems arise when your jealousy gets unmanageable and your behaviors get out of control.


Irrational Jealousy

This is a type of jealousy brought on by imagined or misperceived events. Irrational jealousy is never healthy. It is based on paranoia and insecurity not in reality. People suffering from an irrational jealousy rely heavily on their feelings that something is wrong even though there are no real signs that these feelings have merit. Without reliable external validation of their jealousy irrationally jealous individuals often sink in to a depression based on paranoia. They are convinced that they are right to be jealous even when the evidence does not support their beliefs. It is very difficult to show them the truth.
Irrational jealousy is best treated by therapy. If you find yourself feeling jealous often and can’t calm yourself with rationalization consider seeking professional help.


Destructive Jealousy

Destructive jealousy is based in reality. The emotional threat that is provoking the jealousy is real and can be backed up with external evidence. The reasons for the jealousy are valid. The way this jealousy plays out is the problem. When feeling a destructive jealousy people usually lash out at the person or people who have caused them harm. It is an angry jealousy that is based in revenge. It is not an effective protection mechanism because the focus is on hurting back not reaching a solution.
The best way to manage a destructive jealousy is by getting counseling. In counseling you will be able to talk through the situation with an impartial third party. You will get to vent in a safe environment. In counseling you will likely learn anger management techniques to help you control your need for revenge.


Proactive Jealousy

Proactive jealousy is a jealousy that is based on a real threat to ones emotional security. The purpose of any jealousy is to avoid being hurt or to lessen hurt that has already happened but sometimes jealousy makes people do crazy things. A proactive jealousy rarely manifests as violence or self harm. While anger is a part of this type of jealousy it never takes control of actions. This type of jealousy works as a protection mechanism. The jealous feelings lead to productive actions, like ending a bad relationship or getting out of an unhealthy friendship. The primary concern of this type of jealousy is self preservation not revenge or retribution.


Controlling Jealousy

Jealousy is a form of anger brought on by a fear of loss. Controlling jealousy is very much like controlling anger. When you feel yourself growing jealous the first thing you must do is calm down. Take some deep breaths, try to relax and then take an honest look at the situation. Never allow yourself to go off in a jealous rage, it takes away from any validity to your feelings and makes it very easy for others to dismiss you. Approach the situation in a calm but stern fashion. State your point of view without throwing around accusations and keep the emphasis on how what is happening makes you feel.
Avoid pointing the finger or calling out others on their behaviors. Own the jealousy for what it is, your reaction, and try to reach a real solution rather than just vent your hurt feelings. A little venting is healthy but try to keep the focus on the real problem.


Learn From Jealousy

Listen to what the other people have to say about the situation that has provoked a jealous response from you. Their perspective may be very different from yours and it is possible that you don’t have the full story about what is going on. There are many innocent situations that can be misinterpreted as something sinister. Make sure you know as much as possible before getting jealous.
Jealousy exists to protect you from harm, not to control the behavior of others. It is an emotion that can get out of control if you let it. Your can never control another person but you can help yourself when that person is hurting you. Healthy jealousy can help you identify and deal with some of life’s more unpleasant lessons.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Surviving the First Fight


First fights are scary things. When conflict arises in a once friction free relationship it always gives way to uncertainty. But the first fight can actually be a positive thing; a defining moment in a relationship that actually makes things more solid.

Falling In Love

In the early days of falling for each other everything is always rosy. People are on their best behavior. While still immersed in the getting-to-know you stage people tend to bend their expectations to the absolute limit of their tolerances and are more forgiving of the things that may later bother them.
Once a comfort level has been reached and there is some security in the relationship that tolerance level shifts back toward an individual’s real life base line. This is what breeds the first fight.

When the Relationship Settles

Once a relationship becomes more established people start showing their true personality. The best behavior honeymoon stage comes to an end, often abruptly and without warning. The sudden shift from best behavior to normal behavior can be a bit of a shock. The first fight usually happens when boundaries are put to the test. In the early days when something unsettling happens both people try to handle things as calmly and diplomatically as possible. Hurt feelings are sucked up and nothing is said.
Once the relationship is more established when those same unsettling things happen the person who is bothered speaks up. With the rules suddenly changed the person on the receiving end of the upset feels confused and defensive. This leads to the first fight.

First Fight: The End or a New Beginning?

It is true that the first fight is the end for some couples but it doesn’t have to be. While first fights are never fun they are actually essential to the evolution of a relationship.
Nobody, no matter how close or how compatible they may be, agrees on absolutely everything. There will be conflict in even the best most successful relationships. What determines the quality of the relationship isn’t whether or not fights happen but how those fights are played out and resolved.
Couples who listen to one another's concerns and perspectives, who respect the other’s point of view whether they agree with it or not, and who work toward finding a compromise, are most likely to make it through the first fight stronger for the experience.

Always Fight Fair

How you fight is as important, if not more important, than why you fight. Violence of any kind is never healthy and should not ever be excused. Hitting, kicking, throwing things and other physical manifestations of anger are unhealthy ways to communicate upset. They accomplish nothing and always do more harm than good. Same goes for name calling or playing the blame-game. Even if somebody is clearly in the wrong it doesn’t need to be harped on. Mentioning a past issue once or twice can lead to resolution but bringing it up over and over can only bring out defensiveness.
One exception is when the person who has done wrong won’t own up to what they have done and apologize, or when they keep doing the same thing over and over. In that case the issue moves beyond bringing up old problems and becomes a question of why the past keeps rising to the surface.

Surviving the First Fight

In order to survive the first fight a couple must be willing to really examine why the fight happened and both people must be ready to make a compromise. The compromise won’t always be equal, one person may have to give more, but compromise not conquest should be the ultimate goal of any conflict. When deciding who should bend there are three important things to ask as a couple; who if anybody was in the wrong, who will be hurt most by having to make a change, and if the change being asked is reasonable and possible.
In the case of clear right and wrong, such as cheating or lying, the person who has done the wrong must be prepared to give up the most in repairing the damage. But rarely are fights started over issues of clear right and wrong. More often than not it is a difference of opinion or a variation in needs that causes couples to fight.

Handling Touchy Situations

Where the issue of right or wrong is not clear, which is usually the case, the question then becomes one of compromise. Just how much compromise or sacrifice should one person make for another? For example, if a girlfriend is very sensitive to friendships with ex-girlfriends the boyfriend needs to ask himself if making her uncomfortable and insecure is worth maintaining those friendships.
If a guy feels those friendships are important enough to be maintained even if it bothers his girlfriend he needs to do everything he can do make his girlfriend comfortable. He can never be secretive about what he does or says to the ex and ideally should bring the girls together.
If a guy feels that it’s not worth damaging a relationship to maintain ties to an ex then the friendship should be put on the back burner.
Whatever issues arise and whatever compromises are made it is essential that the primary relationship always be put first.

How First Fights Make Relationships Stronger

First fights define relationships. They reaffirm the couple’s commitment to one another and if they are worked through properly they can make a relationship stronger. While it is always scary to fight for the first time it is important to acknowledge that fights are normal and that they happen in every close relationship. Why you fight is important but it is how you fight that determines whether or not the conflict will strengthen your bond or stretch it to the limit. Break ups are not the inevitable outcome of the first fight although fearing it will lead to a break up is normal.
If a first fight leads to a break up it simply means the foundation of the relationship was not very strong. For good relationships the first fight will solidify things. By wanting to work through conflict rather than run away couples show each other that they are there for a long time, not just for a good time. This realization is an important one.
First fights don’t have to be negative. They are a sign that your relationship is moving to a new, more intimate and more committed level. Isn’t that a good thing?

Monday, February 27, 2012

Can you become friends after the break-up?


Question: Can you become friends after the break-up?

Answer: Yes and no. Sure we all know couples who are tighter after they split up but this is a rare situation and I personally think that these types of friendships still harbor unresolved issues from the relationship that make it so that neither party is ready or able to fully move on. While being openly hostile to an ex also demonstrates unresolved issues/feelings and an inability to move forward, being buddy-buddy with a former flame is not as mature and civilized as it may seem on the surface. That said it is more than possible, and the most desirable thing, if you and an ex can reach a place of peaceful co-existence and mutual respect. Being at the same party and having fun with and without each other = good. Showing up at a party together, hanging out together al night and only having fun because you are together = bad. See the difference? It is normal to be friendly, even friends, but it is not normal to be as together as you were when coupled only no longer officially be a couple. In befriending an ex there are a few things you must accept; it is going to take time, it won’t be easy, there will be conflicts in the friendship that arise because you were once more than friends, you can’t and shouldn’t want to be best friends, at some point you or your ex will feel uncomfortable when there is a new romance in the air for one or both of you, a too close friendship with an ex will likely cause problems in your next relationship, and that you broke up as a couple for good reasons, reasons that may still come up as issues in a friendship. If you can let go entirely of this person as an ex, and think of them only as a friend then you may be able to build something new together, but if you still see them as “your ex” this will always taint the friendship. How will you know if you’ve reached that magical point of really being “just friends?” Simple, when somebody asks you about your ex your answer will NOT being with the words “My ex…” but instead will begin with the words “My friend…”. If your first knee-jerk response to any inquiry about your ex has you thinking the way you would about any of your other friends than you have reached that magical point of truly and honestly befriending an ex. Good for you!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

12 signs that your crush may be the one.


Like leprechauns and unicorns the search for true love can seem like a fantasy that will never come true, but rest assured, you will find "the one" one day. In fact, as you head down the path of life you are likely to find a few "the ones", that is you are likely to fall in love more than once. How can you tell the difference between love-right-now and the-right-and-true-love? You can't really. Each and every time you fall in love it will feel like the real and final deal and it will be true. Every relationship will have something important to offer you and none, no matter how painfully they may end, will be a waste of your time. Each relationship will teach you a valuable lesson about yourself, your capacity to love, and what you are looking for (and not looking for) in a partner. So how can you tell if the person you are with is worthy of your "true love"? How can you know when a crush has moved beyond lust and in to the realm of love? Here are some sure fire signs that your affair of the heart has reached true love status:
  1. You can't help but smile when you see her/him and s/he is always smiling back.
  2. You feel comfortable and secure in the relationship and really trust your partner not to hurt you; ie, there is no need for jealousy or suspicion.
  3. There have been good times and bad times and through, or in spite of, them all you have remained together.
  4. There are no major dramas in the relationship; ie, you do not test one anothers love, engage in relationship foiling gossip or feel the need to play games.
  5. You each do kind and thoughtful things for the other "just because" and doing them makes both people feel good.
  6. Outside pressures are few and far between; there are none or only minor issues with peers, friends, family and teachers.
  7. There is no violence in the relationship at all -- NONE!
  8. You enhance one another, neither one of you presses the other to do things that may lead to harm or that the other is opposed to doing.
  9. The things that make you different do not push you apart; ie, different religions, cultural backgrounds or personal beliefs.
  10. There is no sacrifice, only compromise.
  11. Sex or no sex: it doesn't matter, either way it isn't an issue and nobody has been pressured to do something they weren't ready to do.
  12. You know that everything you feel is returned in kind by your partner.
Remember, the idea of one true love is romantic but unrealistic. Open your heart to the idea of loving more than one person in your life, think of these relationships as test runs for the final true love, the person you end up spending your life with, and live in the moment. If you get tunnel vision and become obsessed with finding the mystical and magical "one" s/he may just pass you by.

Friday, February 24, 2012

3 Things That Only Feel Like Love


Love is a tricky emotion. There are some things that feel like love but they are much too superficial to be the real thing. Real love takes time and doesn't happen over night. Here are three things that people often confuse for love.

Lust

Lust is the feeling that is often mistaken for love at first sight. Lust is an intense and sudden attraction to somebody you hardly know. It is mistaken for love because the attraction is so strong. Lust can feel like love because the feelings of attraction are strong and all-consuming. The emotions stirred up by lust can feel very real but they are based on a fantasy. To love somebody you must know them well but many people fall in lust while they are still strangers. What people in lust fall for is a fantasy of what might be and reality can get lost in the excitement.
Overwhelmed by physical attraction people in lust can't keep their hands off of each other. They think about each other constantly and talk about one another all the time. Lust is a happy feeling brought on by passionate attraction. If you are inexperienced in matters of the heart it is very easy to mistake all that passion for love.
Lust differs from love like night differs from day. Lust happens in the early phase of a relationship when people don’t yet know each other. Lust is based on a fantasy, and the fantasy and reality don’t always mesh up. This is where lust runs out of steam.
Although physical attraction is definitely a key ingredient in any romantic relationship, love is more than just a physical longing. If a relationship is all about physical attraction it is based on lust. Really loving another person takes time and it can't be based on physical attraction alone.

Obsession

Obsessions are often mistaken for love because people rationalize the crazy feelings they are having. They assume that it must be love if the other person is always on their mind. Obsession is similar to lust but it is much more misleading and destructive. While lust is often fleeting, fading as two people come to know each other better, obsession sticks around. The more time and effort invested in an unhealthy obsession the more intense the obsession can become. People in an obsessed state have a one track mind where the other person is concerned and they often lose touch with who they are as an individual. This loss of individuality creates a vicious circle of behavior where the obsessed person grows more and more dependant on the other person to bolster their sense of self.
Even unrequited love, love that is not returned, can become an overwhelming obsession. When one person believes they are in a relationship that doesn't really exist, or when one person is more invested in an existing relationship than the other, the foundation for an obsession has been laid.
Real love is nurturing and helps people grow but obsession is debilitating. If you feel like you have lost yourself, if you are always striving to please your partner without them doing the same for you, and if you find yourself making all decisions in your life based on the feelings and needs of the other person you could be dealing with obsession.

Rebounding

A rebound is a relationship that starts up very quickly after another relationship has ended. Rebounds are rarely based on love but are really a way of alleviating the loneliness people feel when a relationship ends. Rebounding can feel like love for the simple reason that the people involved want to be in love. They are used to the security of being in love and more than anything else they want to feel that security again. They convince themselves that they are in love when they are actually missing the safety and comfort of the relationship they left behind.
If an old relationship keeps interfering with the progress of a new relationship it could mean that the relationship is a rebound. When somebody is on the rebound they are not entirely over their previous relationship. They may still be trying to work out unresolved issues from that relationship. Rebound relationships may feel like love but they are still impacted by unsettled feelings from the past.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Am I in Love?


It is a very common question, "How can I tell I'm in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust. This can get confusing when you are a teen because romantic love is a relatively new concept for you and you don't know what to expect. You are overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures. They are confusing. What is love? What makes you want a romantic relationship with one person and not another? How does your heart choose a partner? Why does love end? These questions can't be easily answered.

One of the most confusing quasi-love feelings is lust. Lust is a very powerful, very intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person. Lust is mainly sexual in nature - the attraction is superficial based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. Usually we lust after people we do not know well, people we still feel comfortable fantasizing about. It is very common for people to confuse lust for love. But why? What is it about lust and love that make them so easy to mix up? If lust is all about sex, how can a relationship without sex be about lust? Teens struggle with this because they see lust in the Biblical sense, but lust isn't that sinister. Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love is about much more than that. Yet many teens (and to be fair, many adults) confuse an intense attraction for some sort if divine love. For teens, since feelings of attraction are still new and since pop-culture sells sex and love as one package, it is very easy to get the two mixed up.

Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love?
There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with 7 of the following 9 statements you are probably in love.

  1. You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.
  2. The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.
  3. If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.
  4. Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.
  5. When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).
  6. Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.
  7. Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.
  8. You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.
  9. If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

5 Things Your Boyfriend Won't Tell You


  1. We like being “the boyfriend.”
    Girls often think that guys are players-at-heart who love the single life and only settle down because society tells them that they have to, but nothing could be further from the truth. Sure there are some guys who get a serious case of the GIGS (Grass Is Greener Syndrome) every time they make a commitment to a girl but these guys are the exception not the rule. We other guys have a word to describe our flakey won’t settle down counterparts – immature. For the most part guys love being in love just as much as girls do.
  2. We don’t like when you pull away from us.
    Guys are competitive beasts so you’d think that the hard to get game would make us give chase, and in the beginning stages of a relationship it does, but once we’ve settled in and made a commitment to you we want the chase to stop. If you keep it up, if you keep pushing us away with your right hand while pulling us closer with your left, you’ll quickly find that we start pulling away altogether. Once we open our hearts the game totally changes for us. We don’t want to chase you forever so when you pull away from us, we pull away from you in what amounts to a psychological tug-o-war. The more you pull away the more we respond in kind. Keep it up and everyone just gets tired and calls it quits. So once you’ve landed your guy don’t keep playing hard to get, instead let him know that you’re happy you were caught.
  3. We want our friends to like you… but not love you.
    In guy world the approval of our friends is very important so it makes sense that we want our friends to like you. But what we don’t want is for them to covet you. When we hook up with a very hot girl and our buddies ogle her it is a real turn off. This is why so many really pretty girls find themselves single. We just can’t handle the thought of losing you to one of our friends because if that happens we lose our girl, one of our boys and a big chunk of our egos. So if our friends like you and think you're cool that’s great but if they wish they could have you that’s bad. Unfortunately this is totally out of your control. Rest assured that as guys get older we get more secure and this one matters less but in the meantime know this - if you’ve ever been dumped by a guy who you thought really liked you shortly after meeting his friends take comfort in the fact that you were probably just too hot for him to handle.
  4. We want you to like, but not love, our friends.
    This one goes along with the other one for obvious reasons but there is a little more to it. Obviously we don’t want you ditching us to be with one of our buddies but we also don’t want you to work overtime trying to win our friends over. Sometimes no matter how great you are our friends will only act luke-warm toward you. This is most likely not your fault and usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them but as long as our friends and you can hang out without incident the boyfriend in us is happy. We don’t want you to go out of your way to get our friends to like you because we want your energy focused on us and only us. We don’t want you to care what other guys think about you. We want your efforts and attentions to rest firmly on us. Is that immature? Probably. But hey, we’re guys!
  5. We worry that YOU will dump US.
    If there is one thing I see over and over in the girl magazines it’s question after question about how to keep a guy interested but that’s not really very hard. When we like you, we like you and that’s all there is to it. In reality we probably spend more time worrying that you’ll dump us than we would ever spend thinking about dumping you. So relax and stop fixating on how or when our relationship will end and just be our girlfriend. That’s all it really takes to keep a guy happy.

5 Things Your Girlfriend Won't Tell You

 
1. We like the chase – you chasing us.
Yep, it’s sad but true that when a guy is too eager to catch us we wonder why. What is wrong with this guy? Why is he so clingy? Is he a control freak? Is he a serial dater? A player with many girlfriends on the go? Is he insane? It’s not that we don’t want to be caught, we do, we just don’t want to feel trapped and when things happen too fast trapped is how we feel. We need to be sure of our feelings and of our attraction before we can step off the racetrack and give up the chase. You need to woo us to make us yours. Some guys lay out traps, saying all the right things and meaning none of them, in an attempt to woo us and this gives way to our biggest fear; falling prey to an insincere guy who is more about the game than being in a relationship. For this reason even once we’re yours, even once we are sure of your feelings and you are sure of ours, we need to still feel a little bit of the chase. When you chase us we feel like you want us and are willing to do some work to be with us and we don’t want that feeling to go away just because you’ve caught us.
 
2. When we say we’re “OK” or that things are “fine” the opposite is probably true. Girls are communicators. It is hardwired in to our psyches to talk and talk and talk some more whenever there is discord or conflict. So if you sense there’s a problem and gather the courage to ask us and we respond with a “fine” or “it’s ok” or some other sentence with less than 7 (short) words chances are good that we really want to talk. So, you think, what’s a guy to do? You ask a question, you get an answer, and you plan based on that answer. Who wants to read between the lines or guess what is really going on? What a waste of time, right? Wrong! When girls pull the short answers out during a conversation it is because we want you to put the effort in to getting us to open up. It comes from a place of feeling like you don’t usually care what we have to say so we want you to put some effort in to getting us to talk so we can be sure we will be listened to. Now those perceptive guys among you may have your hands up right now waiting to ask the obvious question… if a girl feels like she’s not usually heard isn’t that the REAL problem? Yes, yes it is, and one little talk won’t stop that feeling of being marginalized. In psychology we call this a learned response, a behavior that does not come naturally but rather has been developed through a process called social conditioning. You may very well be the most attentive boyfriend since the dawn of time but if her previous guys made her feel insignificant or unheard you’ll have to help her carry that baggage. Heck, you’ll have to help her unpack it and put it away! So when your girl replies with a curt little answer to your questions don’t take her at face value. Calmly and gently ask her a few more times. Once she feels like you will hear her nature will take over and, voila! You’ll be communicating.

3. We want you to have your guy time.
It is such a myth that girls don’t like to let their guy just hang with the boys. It's a terrible lie perpetrated by relationship-phobes throughout the ages. It is totally untrue that we want you to give up your life to be with us. Think of it this way… when we met you and fell for you, you were (hopefully) single and your friends were a big part of your life. Take your friends away and a big piece of the guy we fell for goes with them. So we want you to keep your guy time. We know you need your friends and truth be told we need our friends too. That being said, obviously when you are single you have lots of spare time to spend with friends but when you are in a relationship some of that time is going to be taken up by your significant other (A.K.A. us). That is only normal. It is normal for you to need your guy time and it is normal for you to want to spend time with us. If you find the right balance the guy-time issue quickly becomes a non-issue. It is when we feel like you don’t make as much time for us as you do for them or that you resent being away from your friends when you are with us that the stereotypical “girlfriend verses the friends” scenario takes the stage. It’s all about balance. Spending time with your friends or with us will never be an issue as long as there is a balance and as long as we never feel that they mean more to you than we do or that they come always first.

 
4. We want to know your friends but aren’t so sure you need to know ours.
I’m not going to lie; this is hypocrisy in its most raw form. We want you to bring us around your friends, we want to know them and we want them to like us, but we aren’t quite as crazy about you knowing our friends. The why of this is as simple as it is irrational and here it is… we want to know your boys so we can understand the kinds of things they may get you to do when we’re not around. In short, will they encourage you to cheat on us, will they get you doing reckless and dangerous things, and will they help you engage in self-destructive activities? What we want to know is if they will be good or bad influences on you. We also want to create a buffer; we want your friends to like us so that they won’t want you to lose us. If there is no tension between your friends and us then we don’t need to fear them asking you to choose between love and friendship. Now on the flip side, we don’t really want you getting all chummy with our friends because we don’t want them to fill you in on all of our dirty little secrets. As previously noted girls are talkers by nature and we don’t want them to let something slip that may make you raise an eyebrow in our direction. We also fear, but will never admit fearing, you wanting one of our friends more than you want us. It’s bad enough to lose your guy to another girl but when that girl was once a friend, well, the sting is even sharper. So allow us this hypocrisy. It’s irrational, that's true, but it’s also quite harmless.
 
5. We worry that other girls look better now that you are in a relationship.
Mike nailed the core of every girlfriend's relationship insecurity on the head when he brought up the GIGS (Grass Is Greener Syndrome). The idea that life is better on the other side is one of the most destructive forces in relationship world and girls feel that guys fall for it way too often. It is a great fear of ours that once you can’t have other girls you will suddenly want them all. It leads to a lot of unfounded jealousy brought on by innocent comments on your part or casual non-flirtatious conversations with other girls. So what’s a guy to do? In a perfect world you’d stop interacting with other girls altogether but our rational super-ego knows that’s not realistic. What you need to do is follow these three simple rules; 1) never pay more attention to another girl than you do to your girlfriend, 2) never comment over and over how hot/cool/nice/fun another girl is, and 3) if you meet a great girl while you’re in a relationship hook her up with one of your buddies (also known as taking her off the market and getting her out of our face). And should you ever really get the itch to jump the fence and live life on the other side... just do it! Don’t lead us on, don’t cheat on us, don’t sneak around, just end the relationship. If it ends up being a GIGS fueled mistake… oh well, consider it a hard lesson learned and leave us alone... we won't want you back anyway!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Advice for a Long Distance Relationship


The first thing a person should do in any relationship is to throw out the old cliché of “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” because love should mean wanting to say you're sorry. If your loved one is hurt, even if they are at fault, apologizing for your part in the fight can get you a lot farther then blaming. Honey does catch more flies than vinegar.

If you honestly feel that you are completely in the right you can still say that you are sorry for the reactions you and your mate had towards the situation. No matter what, I am sure that upsetting him or her was the last thing that you wanted to do. This does not mean to minimize your feelings in anyway only to take the focus off “who’s to blame” and put it where it belongs- on the problem at hand. Once the other person is off the defensive, it makes the issue something that you’re facing together instead of at odds. By doing this it will help the two of you to remember that you are both on the same side, with the same ultimate goal in mind- mutual happiness.

This moves us on to another old cliché that I absolutely despise- “Always fight fair”. When it comes to relationships, your main objective should be to not fight. I am not talking about a perfect fairytale where you never disagree with your significant other because fights will happen, even in the most secure of couples. I just do not understand why people prepare for a fight like they would a political debate or, worse yet, like they are going into combat. So, choose your words carefully and plan ahead of time how you can be considerate of your partner’s views, do not dismiss them.

The key to any relationship is honesty. If something is really bothering you, then by all means, say so. Before opening your mouth, ask yourself if what you’re about to say is truly what’s wrong. Make sure that you are not just turning your loneliness into something else. The biggest mistake that people make in a long distance relationship is to channel their feelings of longing for one another into a trivial matter, then end up fighting.

If the main complaint is being apart from your loved one, then tell him or her how you feel. It takes a strong independent person to have a long distance relationship and it also takes a lot of strength to admit that it is not enough anymore. If you and your partner are constantly fighting, it may be time re-evaluate and re-structure the relationship. It may only take a few more phone calls or chat sessions during the week to improve things between the two of you immensely. Maybe, using some saved up vacation time is in order. Both of you taking time off is preferable so you can renew your love. But if only one of you can skip work, still go and visit the other. (Who knows? That person may end up loving it and decide to stay.) If it’s been a truly good relationship, loneliness very rarely means an ending to it all. In fact, it can “make the heart grow fonder” as long as you stay truthful in your communications with one another.

If the distance between the two of you has become a major issue, then it may be time to talk about one of you relocating. But before starting this conversation makes sure that you have tried everything else to improve the relationship and that this kind of life altering commitment is what you truly want. Remember, it is a long distance relationship for a reason. Whether because of a job, family or a mixture of things - one of you will be giving up something that was important enough to warrant being apart in the first place.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Another World


Many years ago, i knew such a girl who played in the park whole day. there were many trees in the park, i knew a little of those. after spending the whole day in library when i came back, she was seen in the center of the trees. until many days we were not addressed to each other. i was stayed there in jurisdiction of London for some days.

I was changed the place in search of a cheap house.those were days of very poverty. i thought that girl was also so poor. she had worn a half stitch sweater and had worn a ear cap of red color. her hair were always out of her cap. she had very black and curly hairs. they spread around her innocent face. those were the last days of October. when the spring season was set in. therefore her nose and ears were became red. the starting days of winter were very hard more than real winter season. it is fact that i came to library to escape from cold. in those days my room was become frozen. before sleeping in night i worn my all the sweaters, socks and covered my blanket with my over coat and chaster. but the cold did not decrease.

In the morning, i became ready and went to library . i don’t know how many people came there and were stood out of the library in a row. more were old men. who were gotten their pension very rare. but they felt much cold. they were sat with open books and after a while, i saw all the people around me were sleeping. no one stopped them. after half hour a library servant came there and closed all the opened books. he stopped those people whose snoring was disturbing others. in a noon i was sitting in the library.i was seeing her from the window of the library.

She had put her bag on the bench and she was hidden behind the trees. sun was not shining that day. i was surprised, she is playing alone outside in much cold.i had eruption to know, which is the game that children play in loneliness.

She came in park in noon, put her bag on the the bench and hid herself behind the trees. i saw her again and again. At 5pm the hospital bell rung, as she listened the bell she came there and sat on the bench and put her bag in her lap. she was sitting silently, until a woman was seen to come there. i cold not saw the face of that woman ever. she was always dressed in white uniform of nurse. as she reached towards the bench,little girl ran towards her and stopped her there. they both turned towards the gate and i was seeing them until they disappeared from my eyes . i saw everything like the hero of Hickok. this would continue in the winter season if the season was not changed at once.

One night i felt much hot in my room. my body was perspired. i opened the window. there were no frost and no fog. sky was clear and the stars were shining. i felt i was not living in foreign country but i am at the roof of my house.

It was an opened day. sun was shining. i could not stay in library for much time.in the noon i came out of the library and reached at the restaurant, where i was taken lunch daily.it was a cheap Jew restaurant, i came out of the restaurant,i did not want to go back to library.

After a long period, i had gotten some letters and news papers from my home, i wanted to read those letter in the park, i became surprised to see the flowers. those were very small. perhaps Jesus Christ had said about those flower, “lilies of the field”.those flowers do not think about coming days. they were reminded the passed summer.

I began to walk among the grass and flowers.i felt very glad to walk on the grass. i became free from the worries of coming days and felt myself light. i was walking on the grass with bare feet. as i reached near that bench, i heard a shriek from my back. she was running rapidly and coming towards me . i turned and saw she was same girl.she had come out behind the trees.she stopped me and said, you are caught. she said and laughed. you can not go now. i did not understand, i was still stood there.

She said again, you are caught. you are standing on my earth. i looked around. there were flowers on the grass.there were empty benches and three fresh green trees were standing in the center of the park. i said, i did not know? i turned to go. no no , you can not go girl said. she was stood in front of me.her eyes were shining. they will not let you go. who will not let me go, i asked her. she appointed to wards the trees. they were looking like real soldiers. i was still standing for a while and we were looking each other silently.

Her eyes were still fixed at me. when she understood, i will not run she became soft. she asked to me,do you want to be free? how, i looked at her. you should give them food. they are hungry from many days. she was saying about trees. i said, i have no food.she said it not difficult to bring food. they eat flowers and leaves. so i collected some flowers and leaves. she said, now you can give them food. i asked her, will the let me go now? she smiled and her teeth were quite white and shining. then i spread all the leaves near the trees. i was free now i brought out the letters and newspaper and sat on the bench, her bag was there. her bag was full of books and half eaten apple was in its pocket.at once she was disappeared. i looked all around, her frock was seen in the bunches. she was sitting silently like a rabbit.

To catch many passengers like me.when the wind blew, leaves were danced and she started to run after them. i wan sat on the bench. she came there and sat on the bench. she started to eat apple.i was reading my letter. she asked to me , are those your? yes mine.and this, she asked about a ticket on which a picture of elephant was there.i asked her, did you go to Zoo ever? she replied, yes one time with my papa. he gave me coin and an elephant took it with his trunk.

I asked her, did you not afraid? no, she said and was eating apple.
hospital bell rang.she took her bag and stood near the trees. she was saying something to them. after that she came to me and handshake with me. her mother was come and she went with her. i also collected my letters and came in library.

I was in park, who is some one was calling me. i did not stop. whenever man called himself. but it was different voice.i turned and saw that girl was moving her hand. i thought, was i again catch?
her mother was also with her.they both were laughing.

She started to play. she felt there is some one and she was talking with them. she requested me to be the part of her game. i accepted her request. she was so innocent and charming. she talked with me and just listened her. in the evening she came there and took her to home. i was still seating there. i was thinking about her. why i like her so much? her innocent face attracted me much. her innocent conducts force me to play with her. she was just nine years old. but in her eyes i saw deep thoughts.

Now it became my daily routine to come there and played with her.i had no work in those days. daily i came in the park and met her. one day her mother invited me at her home. i accepted her invitation and reached at their home. little girl Greeta was surprised to see me there. her mother prepared many eating things for me. i was happy because the money of dinner time was saved. Greeta said to me, she wants to show her room to me. i went with her. Her room was so strange. all the walls were in green colors and painted with different pictures of different animals.i said, i liked your room so much.

She became happy and run out of the house. then i sat there and started to talk with her mother. i asked her about greeta’s father. she said,he had expired before three years. greeta did not accept his death and she is still waiting for him. she went to that garden in search of his father. because she went there daily with her dad. i tried to understand her but she is not ready to accept that.i think she is need a such friend who help her to understand the reality.

I thought i will help her. so i went to the park daily and played with her. soon she became much frank with me and i also felt happiness with her. i felt she had created her own world. whenever i came there, i forgot my all worries. her innocent talks and questions made me so glad.

After many days i went to the park. but Greeta was not there. i waited for her whole day but she did not come. in the evening i saw her mother was coming. i asked her about greeta. she was so sad and start crying. then she told, greeta had dead. because i had not come to meet her. first the grief of her father death made her a patient and now she was much attached with me.

But i did not meet her. she became ill and did not endure my absence. i felt very sad. i told her mother that i had got a very good job and i wanted to give greeta a surprise. she did not give me any answer and went away. it was very sad for me. i had lost a beautiful companion of my other world. because in her company i always found myself in the world of happiness and calm. i had lost her and also the world of happiness. i was sitting alone on the bench.i was remembering her talk and conducts which made me happy. my eyes were filled with tears. suddenly peon said, it is time dear. i was still there. then he said again it is closing time. then i stood up and came out of the park. after that day i did not go there. her remembrance is still alive in my heart.