Love or Friendship: How do you choose?

 
 Question Asked By A Girl


I’m dating a guy who is not my normal type. None of my friends can stand him. They all think he is a loser because he dresses differently. His family isn’t rich and can’t afford to get him trendy clothes but I don’t care about that. He’s a great guy and he’s good to me. Why can’t my friends see how good he is for me and be happy for us? Why are they making it so hard? 

 
This is such a common problem especially among teens. The social structure of high school can be unforgiving and patently unfair. All too often the things that make some people “popular” and other people “unpopular” have nothing to do with the substance of the people and everything to do with superficial things like clothing, excellence in sports, or good looks. No matter how often adults tell teens that this kind of thinking is wrong it never changes. It is a combination of immaturity, the closed environment of high school and peer pressure that make this social divide so pronounced among teenagers. But love is often blind to things like this and that is a good thing.

First let me congratulate you for following your heart on this one, you are 100% in the right. If a guy makes you happy and treats you well that is way more important than what he wears or whom he hangs out with. If he is good to you and good for you this is all that matters. But you need to face your friends and their irrational disapproval and that can be a difficult thing to do. Peer pressure is a very influential force, especially for teenagers, and far too many relationships are crushed by the weight of it. Here are some tips to help you stand up to your friends in the name of love:

• Make these your words to live by; the clothes don’t make the man.
• Stand up for your guy whenever your friends cut him down and always remind them that he is good to you. If they are real friends eventually this will sink in and they will support you.
• Insist that your friends include your guy whenever possible and ask them to try to really get to know him for your sake. Again, true friends might protest but in the end they want you to be happy and will at least give him a chance.
• Never sit by silently while your friends criticize your guy. Tell them that you don’t appreciate them being so superficial and then tell them why your guy is so great. Do this every time they put him down. Eventually they’ll get it.
• If your friends, or your guy, ever put you in the position of having to choose between them just refuse to do it. Tell them that they are both very important parts of your life and that you wish they could get along but if they can’t you’ll just have to make time to see them at different times. Then stick to the plan. Never give in to the pressure.

Love can’t conquer all but peer pressure should never be allowed to control you. If your guy is a good guy your friends will come to see it in time. You just need to keep singing his praises and bring him around them as much as possible. If they see how good he is to you first hand eventually they’ll come around.

How Do I Make Him Love Me?

Q:

I have a big crush on this guy in a grade higher than me. We don't have any classes together but we are both in band and on the school paper. I know I love him because I just can't get him off of my mind. At a party I confessed my true feelings and he told me he liked me too - as a friend. He said he just wanted us to be friends right now. I really, really want to be with him, how do I make him love me?

A:

You are suffering from a killer one-sided crush, also known as "unrequited love", and there really isn't much you can do to change it into a relationship. I'll be blunt. You can not make somebody love you. You can't even make them like you. There are no magic spells or secret tricks that will make a person suddenly feel for you the way you feel for them. Love doesn't work like that (and thank the sweet stars above that it doesn't!). Love, when it is real and returned, is one of the most amazing feelings you will ever experience. Although it is hard to accept that this person doesn't return your feelings, it may help you to know that the pain you now feel will be erased from your heart when you find someone who does love you back.

Now back to the issue at hand, coping with your current crush. Since he has made his feelings for you clear, namely that he wants to be friends, you really only have one choice. You have to honor his feelings and wishes. You do however have options as to exactly how you handle the "friendship situation". You can swallow your feelings, move on and work on having "just a friendship" with this guy or, you can harbour your feelings and hope that the future will see your friendship turn romantic. Either way, the one thing you should do is actively take him up on his offer of friendship in spite of your deeper feelings.

Take heart, all is not lost! Friendship is always a good place to start. Right now he only knows a "one dimensional" you, as your friendship progresses he will come to see your many sides. With time, his feelings may even deepen into romatic interest. You say that the two of you are not in any classes together so it is entirely possible that his "Let's be friends!" comment is not a mere brush off, but a bonafide offer. He may want to start as friends because he doesn't know you well enough to have any deeper feelings (a sign that he is a good guy BTW), or he may be using the "friendship line" as a brush off (a sign that he is NOT a good guy BTW). You can't be certain which of these is true until you make a go of the friendship. Work from the premise that he really wants a friendship with you until he indicates otherwise.

By becoming his friend you get the opportunity let him see a new side of you, and you get to see a new side of him. In getting closer you may even fall into a relationship. Of course, the opposite is also true. As you get to know him better your crush, which is built on a fantasy not a reality, may disappear and you may lose interest in him. There are no guarantees that your feelings will stay the same through your burgeoning friendship. There are also no guarantees that his current feelings will change into love. After you become friends you may end up exactly where you are right now, in a one-sided love affair. But at this point in time, what have you got to lose? At the very least you gain a closer acquaintance and at the most you'll get your man!

Surviving the First Fight

First fights are scary things. When conflict arises in a once friction free relationship it always gives way to uncertainty. But the first fight can actually be a positive thing; a defining moment in a relationship that actually makes things more solid.

Falling In Love

In the early days of falling for each other everything is always rosy. People are on their best behavior. While still immersed in the getting-to-know you stage people tend to bend their expectations to the absolute limit of their tolerances and are more forgiving of the things that may later bother them.
Once a comfort level has been reached and there is some security in the relationship that tolerance level shifts back toward an individual’s real life base line. This is what breeds the first fight.

When the Relationship Settles

Once a relationship becomes more established people start showing their true personality. The best behavior honeymoon stage comes to an end, often abruptly and without warning. The sudden shift from best behavior to normal behavior can be a bit of a shock. The first fight usually happens when boundaries are put to the test. In the early days when something unsettling happens both people try to handle things as calmly and diplomatically as possible. Hurt feelings are sucked up and nothing is said.
Once the relationship is more established when those same unsettling things happen the person who is bothered speaks up. With the rules suddenly changed the person on the receiving end of the upset feels confused and defensive. This leads to the first fight.

First Fight: The End or a New Beginning?

It is true that the first fight is the end for some couples but it doesn’t have to be. While first fights are never fun they are actually essential to the evolution of a relationship.
Nobody, no matter how close or how compatible they may be, agrees on absolutely everything. There will be conflict in even the best most successful relationships. What determines the quality of the relationship isn’t whether or not fights happen but how those fights are played out and resolved.
Couples who listen to one another's concerns and perspectives, who respect the other’s point of view whether they agree with it or not, and who work toward finding a compromise, are most likely to make it through the first fight stronger for the experience.

Always Fight Fair

How you fight is as important, if not more important, than why you fight. Violence of any kind is never healthy and should not ever be excused. Hitting, kicking, throwing things and other physical manifestations of anger are unhealthy ways to communicate upset. They accomplish nothing and always do more harm than good. Same goes for name calling or playing the blame-game. Even if somebody is clearly in the wrong it doesn’t need to be harped on. Mentioning a past issue once or twice can lead to resolution but bringing it up over and over can only bring out defensiveness.
One exception is when the person who has done wrong won’t own up to what they have done and apologize, or when they keep doing the same thing over and over. In that case the issue moves beyond bringing up old problems and becomes a question of why the past keeps rising to the surface.

Surviving the First Fight

In order to survive the first fight a couple must be willing to really examine why the fight happened and both people must be ready to make a compromise. The compromise won’t always be equal, one person may have to give more, but compromise not conquest should be the ultimate goal of any conflict. When deciding who should bend there are three important things to ask as a couple; who if anybody was in the wrong, who will be hurt most by having to make a change, and if the change being asked is reasonable and possible.
In the case of clear right and wrong, such as cheating or lying, the person who has done the wrong must be prepared to give up the most in repairing the damage. But rarely are fights started over issues of clear right and wrong. More often than not it is a difference of opinion or a variation in needs that causes couples to fight.

Handling Touchy Situations

Where the issue of right or wrong is not clear, which is usually the case, the question then becomes one of compromise. Just how much compromise or sacrifice should one person make for another? For example, if a girlfriend is very sensitive to friendships with ex-girlfriends the boyfriend needs to ask himself if making her uncomfortable and insecure is worth maintaining those friendships.
If a guy feels those friendships are important enough to be maintained even if it bothers his girlfriend he needs to do everything he can do make his girlfriend comfortable. He can never be secretive about what he does or says to the ex and ideally should bring the girls together.
If a guy feels that it’s not worth damaging a relationship to maintain ties to an ex then the friendship should be put on the back burner.
Whatever issues arise and whatever compromises are made it is essential that the primary relationship always be put first.

How First Fights Make Relationships Stronger

First fights define relationships. They reaffirm the couple’s commitment to one another and if they are worked through properly they can make a relationship stronger. While it is always scary to fight for the first time it is important to acknowledge that fights are normal and that they happen in every close relationship. Why you fight is important but it is how you fight that determines whether or not the conflict will strengthen your bond or stretch it to the limit. Break ups are not the inevitable outcome of the first fight although fearing it will lead to a break up is normal.
If a first fight leads to a break up it simply means the foundation of the relationship was not very strong. For good relationships the first fight will solidify things. By wanting to work through conflict rather than run away couples show each other that they are there for a long time, not just for a good time. This realization is an important one.
First fights don’t have to be negative. They are a sign that your relationship is moving to a new, more intimate and more committed level. Isn’t that a good thing?

Pure Love

Our friendship started from internet. We were just Facebook friends. We chatted daily and became best friends. Her name was Samia and she lived in Canada. I was not much interested in her, i just took her as a friend. She was interested in me more than a friend. She sent me her pics, she was a beautiful girl. I also sent her my pics. We kept on chatting on Facebook. As time passed we started talk on phone.

One day she asked to me, she liked me. I told her, i liked her so much and her friendship is most important than all. She became so glad when she listened that. She was impressed by my personality and with my conversation. She showed her wish to me that she want to meet me in real. I asked her the reason to meet, she said she loved me. I was surprised at her reply. I was not in love with her, i was just doing time pass. But she was seriously fell in love with me. She decided to come Pakistan to meet me. I did not tell her that i was not in love with her. I thought she is cheated me but i was wrong.

She made me a call and told me she is coming Pakistan in next week. I was little surprised,she really came to there for me. But i had decided. She asked me to receive her at airport. I promised her, i will the first person who will meet her at airport. But i did not go to receive her. For few days i did not go online on Facebook. I did not want to had any contact to her because i was not serious with her. She was just time pass for me.

One evening i received a call from an unknown number. There was a girl on other side, she was just crying and was not saying something. I was confused, who is she there? I said hello, hello and hello again but she did not reply. After a while i made a call on that unknown number. Then she said, she is Samia. I was so confused, i thought what i do now? She asked me, why i did not come to receive her. I told a lie to her that my mother was in hospital and i was busy in her care. She agreed with me and said she wanted to see me. I try to put off her but she did not accepted my excuses. So i promised to meet her. Then we decided the day and place.

When the day came, i asked to my friend to meet her and make her clear that I do not love her. She was just my friend and now is nothing. My friend became ready to meet her and went to the decided place. She was already there. When my friend introduced himself with her, she asked for me. He said i had come to tell the truth, that Junaid do not in love with you, he was just your friend. Now you should understand that he is not interested in you.

She began to cry and said, i love him so much, i came there for him and i want to marry him. I had become mad for him and he had become my life. I can’t live without him. My friend tried to made her understand but she was not ready to understand anything. She said to him, if Junaid will not accepted my love i will kill myself.

My friend came to me and told about her. I was so upset after knowing her condition. Then i decided to meet her. When i meet her, she was so weak. She said, she had many friends but she did not love anyone in her life. I was her first love and she do not want to lost her lover.

She was saying and i was just listening her. Her pure and sincere conversation impressed me, then i thought i had done wrong behavior with her. So i decided to marry her. I thought such a sincere girl will not come in my life again. It was just a net love and i had always taken it as time passed.

Love is Life

Maheen was a medical student of final year. She was bright and promising student. Naina and Sana were her friends.
Naina was her best friend. Whenever Maheen heard a story of someone who was fallen in love with someone, she made a joke of him.
She had no believe in love and attachments.She always took love as a humor and always said that she will never fall in love to anyone. Naina said to her did not take love as a joke. It is possible that in future you will fall in love to someone.

One day Maheen phone to Naina’s house, her mother received the call. She asked for Naina, her mother called Naina , phone was on hold. At the time, she listened a beautiful male voice to reciting naat sharif with great fascination. She had lost in that magical voice. She came to senses when Naina said hello. After a general conversation she cut the call. After that she just thought about that magical voice and the word of naat sharif were circling in her mind.

Next day when she met to Naina, she asked her about that beautiful voice. Naina told her, he is my elder brother who was practicing for a naat competition. Naina also told her that her brother is good reciter.
One day Maheen went to Naina’s home to meet her. She was waiting for Naina sitting in drawing room. Suddenly her brother came there and returned back to see Maheen there. But Maheen called him and praised for his beautiful voice. He thanked Maheen. At the same time Naina came there and she saw that they were both lost in eyes of each other. She broke the silence and introduced Maheen to her brother. She told Maheen, he is my brother Azhar.

Now Maheen talked to Naina just about her brother all the time. Naina understood that Maheen was fallen in love with her brother. She became mad for his beautiful voice and also for his dashing personality.
She got the contact number of Azhar from Naina, and she began to talk Azhar on phone. Gradually they started to meet each other and became good friends. Soon their friendship changed in love.

One day Azhar purposed Maheen and she accepted his proposal and also shown her feelings in front of him. She said that she will soon agreed her parents.She felt that she got a new life full of colors and joys.

Azhar expressed his feelings for Maheen to his sister Naina and requested her, she would helped him to agree his parents. Naina promised to her brother that she will agreed parents for her brother’s happiness.

Maheen had agreed her parents for Azhar. Her parents were known that Azhar is respectful, promising and gentleman. He also going to be surgeon. Naina’s mother liked Maheen very much, she is a beautiful and well manner girl. So both the families were agreed for their marriage.

Naina was so much excited because her best friend was coming to her home as her Bhabhi. When Maheen came to her house, she asked to her,”what you say about love.”
Then Maheen replied,”love is life”.

Hidden Love

He was sitting in crowd of the girls. She came there and began to shout at him. What are you doing here, Raiha asked to Ali. He stood up at once and smiled. She always be jealous, when she found him with an other girl. She was too much possessive about him. They were best friends and were getting education together since their childhood. It was their last year in medical.

They were friends from their one class. All the teachers at school were loved them both. Raiha was a brilliant and intelligent student. She had a humble personality. Ali was much obedient and respected to his teacher.

Ali liked Raiha as a best friend but she loved him. She did not showed her feeling to him ever. They had very good family relations. Their fathers were business partners. She always though, her love for Ali will destroy their family relations. So she hide her love and not expressed her feelings to Ali.

Now their exams were finished. They both were very happy because they had done their paper very fine.

One evening Ali came to her house. She was in her room. Raiha was in her room. Her mother called her. When she came in drawing room, she was so excited to see Ali there. After a week she was meeting him. Her mother asked, Ali is come to invited us for a party. Party for what, she asked. He replied, my parents decided to engaged me. She was shocked at that news. She did show her pain on her face. After a while she ran to her room. She fell on the bed and started weeping.

She thought her love is going to be some one other. She was mad for Ali and was weeping whole night. In the morning when her knocked her door, she did not opened. Her knocked again and again but vain. She called her husband and said, Raih is not opening the door. Her father said, my dear daughter open the door, we are worrying about you. Then she opened the door. Her face was swelled and eyes became red. Her condition showed that she did not sleep in the night. Her mother asked her, is everything all right my dear. She said, i had headache all the night and could not sleep well.

But her mother knew the truth. But she did not try to prove her wrong. Her mother asked her to prepare for the evening party. At once she said, i will not go on the party. Her mother was surprised at her replied. But why? She shouted. Raih did not say something and went back to her room.

Her mother made a call to Ali and told him the situation. Soon Ali came to their home and went to her room. She was still on her bed. He said, what’s wrong with you Raiha? When she heard his voice, she got up at once. She was looking like a patient. Ali was confused to see her condition. He asked her the reason of her refusal. He said, if she is not ready to come in party then he will cancel the program. She said, don’t do that for me. He forced her to come in party. She agreed.

In the evening when she was prepared for the party, her mother came to her room and gave him a gift pack. It is a gift of Ali for Raiha. She opened the gift. It was a beautiful dress. Her said, Ali gave to her to wear in the party. She wore the dress but she was so upset. She control her feelings and was ready for the party.

When they reached at his house. His family received them with great excitement. His mother said, we are just waiting for you. Their house was beautifully decorated. Her eyes were searching for Ali. At once he appeared in front of her. He was looking so smart and nice. She want to say something but could not said.

Ali said to her, come with me i introduce you with my future fiance. She smiled and went with him. He took her on the stage. She was standing on the stage, suddenly all the lights were off, only a light was on, it is on Raiha. She was confused, what was happening? Then Ali caught her hand and asked her. Will you marry me Raiha. When she heard, her eyes were filled with tears and she was wondered.

He told her, he loved her since his childhood but he always hide his love. He wanted to give her a surprise. Today he had done that. He said, i knew that you also loves me but you did not express your love. She was crying and could not said something. But she was so happy to get her love.

Then Ali again asked her, will you marry me. She replied, yes and smiled. Her family also knew about the surprise party.But they did not show her anything. She was happy to get Ali as her life partner.

For Love

First time I saw her in a shopping center. She was with an old lady. Her innocent face touched my heart. I was looking at her and at once she was out of sight. When I came into senses, I began to search for her in the shopping center. But I could not found her.

My heart was uneasy for her and i was just praying to see her one more time. Daily i went to the shopping center in search of her but vain. I did not lose hope. I was sure to meet her one day and i will express my feelings which were rose in my heart after seeing her. She was in my thinking all the time and i felt she is near to me. But those were all my imagines. All the time i pray to God to see her. I did not know that what was happened with me? Her innocent face rounded in my eyes and her thought was always in my mind.

One evening i was sat with my friend in a p;ark. I was telling my friend about her. Suddenly, that  innocent face passed by my eyes. I thought, it is just deception of my eyes. She was still in front of my eyes. Then i made sure, in fact she was there. I ran after her. When reached at her back, i said, excuse me miss……….. She turned back and looked at me. I was painting due to run. She asked me, have you any problem. Her sweet voice made me intoxicate. I control my emotions and then replied her. I want to talk to you miss. She said, do i know you? I want you should know me. She smiled at my reply and said, i have no interest to talk with a stranger. I gave my hand to her and asked, would you like to be my friend. She did not give her hand. I will think about it then will reply you, she said and turned back. I asked her name. My name is Rija and what is your name Mr…….. she asked me. My name is Ahsan Ali. She said i came there daily and went on her way. I felt she invited to come there to see her. I understood, she was a little interested in me.

I went to the park daily and met her. Gradually, we became good friend, but i want to express my love to her. She had told me all about herself. She belonging to a middle class family.

One evening we sat in a coffee shop. At once she became afraid. I asked her, what happened? At the same time, a man came to our table and met her with great affection. I was so confused about him. She introduced him to me. He is my cousin Fiaz. Her husband in future, Fiaz said and he burst into laughter. He asked her about me. She replied my friend Ahsan. He also sat with us and began to talk with Rija. She was looking afraid and confused. He offered her to go with him but she refused. After a while he went away. After his going, i asked her, why she did not tell me about her engagement. she did not say something and began to crying. Please tell me, if you have any problem, i will help you. Then she said, he is not my fiance but forcibly he wanted to marry me. I do not like him. My parents also dislike him. He is not a good man.

I  asked her, what do you want? She replied, i just want to you Ahsan. I was very happy with her declaration. I had no courage to say her that she said very easily. Rija asked me, do you like me? I said, no i do not like you. Her face became the sign of sadness at my reply. Then i said, i do not like you but i love you so much Rija. Now her tears were on her cheeks. I hold her in my arms. And hugged her. She said, i need you Ahsan to face such(Fiaz) problems. Will you help me? I promised her to do help in every trouble. Now she was in my arms like an afraid child.

I went to her home with my parents. My parents offered her parents my proposal. They were surprised and also confused at that proposal. Then i made them understand that i love Rija and want to marry her. They told about Fiaz and said he will do anything. I made them assure, I will face him for Rija. I will do everything for her. Then they agreed with me and be ready to wed Rija with me.

When Fiaz listened that news. He came Riaj’s house and threaten her parents. They made a call to me and told me about Fiaz. I took Rija with me and went to his home. When he saw, Rija’s hand in my hand. He became furious and came to me. I said to him, now she is my responsibility and if you think about her, i will kill you Mr. Fiaz. I love Rija and  she loves me. Now you do not take any interest in our life, i will be better for you. He was just looking me and did not say something.

After a while he said, i accept your love and will never disturb you both. He said, i had seen as such lover in your eyes for Rija, i had no lover for her ever. I am happy for both of you and always pray to God for you. Then we came to our home. Our parents decided to marry soon. Now we are living a happy life. There is no fear in her life but just my love and have faith to do everything for her love.