The first thing a person should do in any relationship is to throw out the old cliché of “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” because love should mean wanting
to say you're sorry. If your loved one is hurt, even if they are at
fault, apologizing for your part in the fight can get you a lot farther
then blaming. Honey does catch more flies than vinegar.
If
you honestly feel that you are completely in the right you can still
say that you are sorry for the reactions you and your mate had towards
the situation. No matter what, I am sure that upsetting him or her was
the last thing that you wanted to do. This does not mean to minimize
your feelings in anyway only to take the focus off “who’s to blame” and
put it where it belongs- on the problem at hand. Once the other person
is off the defensive, it makes the issue something that you’re facing
together instead of at odds. By doing this it will help the two of you
to remember that you are both on the same side, with the same ultimate
goal in mind- mutual happiness.
This
moves us on to another old cliché that I absolutely despise- “Always
fight fair”. When it comes to relationships, your main objective should
be to not fight. I am not talking about a perfect fairytale where you
never disagree with your significant other because fights will happen,
even in the most secure of couples. I just do not understand why people
prepare for a fight like they would a political debate or, worse yet,
like they are going into combat. So, choose your words carefully and
plan ahead of time how you can be considerate of your partner’s views,
do not dismiss them.
The
key to any relationship is honesty. If something is really bothering
you, then by all means, say so. Before opening your mouth, ask yourself
if what you’re about to say is truly what’s wrong. Make sure that you
are not just turning your loneliness into something else. The biggest
mistake that people make in a long distance relationship is to channel
their feelings of longing for one another into a trivial matter, then
end up fighting.
If the main complaint is
being apart from your loved one, then tell him or her how you feel. It
takes a strong independent person to have a long distance relationship
and it also takes a lot of strength to admit that it is not enough
anymore. If you and your partner are constantly fighting, it may be
time re-evaluate and re-structure the relationship. It may only take a
few more phone calls or chat sessions during the week to improve things
between the two of you immensely. Maybe, using some saved up vacation
time is in order. Both of you taking time off is preferable so you can
renew your love. But if only one of you can skip work, still go and
visit the other. (Who knows? That person may end up loving it and
decide to stay.) If it’s been a truly good relationship, loneliness very
rarely means an ending to it all. In fact, it can “make the heart grow fonder” as long as you stay truthful in your communications with one another.
If
the distance between the two of you has become a major issue, then it
may be time to talk about one of you relocating. But before starting
this conversation makes sure that you have tried everything else to
improve the relationship and that this kind of life altering commitment
is what you truly want. Remember, it is a long distance relationship
for a reason. Whether because of a job, family or a mixture of things -
one of you will be giving up something that was important enough to
warrant being apart in the first place.
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