I Ended My Emotional Love Affair With My First Love

I have been having an emotional love affair, this summer, with my first love  after he called me, after 30 plus years We have only talked on the phone, but he brought back all the love I had locked inside me since we parted.  He and I were meant to be soul mates and it was hard to stop our reconnection even though I knew all along it was wrong. I just wanted to feel the love I had lost so many years ago, We both are married with grown children. Everyday I lived for the calls we shared, but sneaking around continued to make me feel bad, Selfishly wishing we could be out in the open about talking, knowing that wouldn't be possible for either of us. We never talked about love, but made references to some of our past sexual experiences. and the emotions we had shared in our youth. He just made me feel so young and alive.  Maybe it was the fact that it was a secret just between the two of us, that made it more exciting. I was getting in deeper and deeper, feeling more guilty, scared of getting caught, but still holding on to the feelings we had so many years ago.  it seemed like I was addicted, and just could not go on with out talking. Today when he called we stopped our emotional love affair. The guilt was too much, because I was celebrating my 36th anniversary with my husband. My first love was the one who asked if I wanted him not to call. My conscience got the best of me and I said it was probably the right thing to do, and he said he loved me and I said I loved him too. My heart was breaking, and crying for the loss of my first love. I text him back, 36 years and I will love you forever. save a place for me in your heart.  He text back. U are in my heart forever. Now I can't hold back the tears, and I fill so empty and sad. What was suppose to be a day of celebration for me, ended with me saying good by again to my soul mate. I really had a hard time trying to hold back the tears and to wear a happy face.. It is so difficult because I would love to be able to share with others my hurt, but I know what we had would be condemned by most, and so I must go on, trying to be strong, and carrying the love of my life locked away, and trying to make the best of the life I have made with my husband and family.  I know I will love and miss my first love forever.