Can we overcome memories of our first love?

First Love an ever lasting memory?

W.H. Auden mentioned, A false enchantment can all too easily last a lifetime. First love could happen at any age. Rosemary Rogers said, First romance, first love, is something so special to all of us, both emotionally and physically, that it touches our lives and enriches them forever. On the other hand, George Bernard Shaw held that first love is a little foolish and a lot of curiosity. Memories of first love are always delicious. Very few experiences in our lives are as intense and overwhelming as our first love.

First love in teenage is much more fierce than the first love in adulthood. However, the teenage love usually evaporates very fast. A survey result reveals that first love relationships last only for 3 or 4 months for persons at the age of 15. Psychologists identify the 3 phases of first love as lust, attraction, and attachment. The close intimacy developed during the period of first love must necessarily involve openness, trust and a sharing attitude. This would lead to maturity and help the relationship last longer.

Normally first love is not the childhood infatuation on a teacher or a movie star. It is the first relationship or attraction of a romantic nature experienced in adolescence. Memories of first love are mostly fond ones but in certain cases, the memories could be highly painful also. Those who had experienced feelings of happiness, enthusiasm, excitement, and pride in their first love are much more likely to have stable, enduring relationships in their later lives. On the other hand, those who went through feelings of shame, guilt, hostility or fright during their first love tend to have weak relationships with others.

Even though it is true that we could fall in love any number of times in our life, the memories of first love would always remain fresh and occupy a special place in our hearts. A Turkish proverb says that young love is from the earth, and late love is from heaven. When we are young, we have high energy levels and our hormones are on overdrive. This could lead to an exhilarating feeling but there are dangers if emotions are not properly controlled at this stage. The obvious dangers are premature pregnancy, HIV, drug addiction, etc. Still, one danger that most people never consider is a wrong relationship. Unless you are clear as to what you expect from your first love, you might end up only with a sad experience.

In the initial stages of first love, we tend to ignore our own needs and desires and give priority to the wants of the other person. However, as time passes by, this becomes more and more difficult to practice and resentment or anger sets in. This leads invariably to parting of ways. Hence, it is important to analyze all the positive and negative aspects of the other person and evaluate them deeply before deciding whether you are really in love with that person.
Psychologists hold that love at first sight is quite possible. However, first sight love purely depends on our mental status at that particular moment. It might take only 30 seconds to decide whether the other person is really worth falling in love with. Psychologists say that men fall in love first more than women do. When we fall in love, we unconsciously wish to complete our personality and therefore, we look for qualities in the other person that we feel we lack. To a certain extent, men look for the qualities of their mothers in women they like to fall in love with. Same way, women also seek qualities of their fathers in men they wish to love.

We have to remember that we are emotionally virgins until we fall for the first time in love. Hence, the first love tends to have a much greater effect on our lives, whether we admit it or not. It is very difficult to be prepared for first love because it is a sudden experience. The emotional experiences that go with first love are very strong. We have to learn to understand them, sort them out and control them. Feelings of passion, elation, sincerity, anxiety, fear all come in a mixed fashion. If the first love ends on a happy note, then it poses no further problems. On the other hand, if the first love fails for any reason, the legacy that it leaves behind could be painful. We have to learn our lessons from that to have much healthier relationships in our later part of life.

For many people, first love is their work. For such persons, the emotional attachment to their profession is very strong. They usually tend to ignore other human relationships or take them in a lighter vein. Most of them remain single in their life, devoting themselves totally to their work, which is their passion.